Journey: Week Two

Stop running from your problems.

"Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become."

I’ve been through a lot in my short 22 years in life, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to be able to roll with the punches. Many times life has dealt me a ridiculous hand which has seemed unfair, unbearable, and just plain mean. In those big problems, though, I feel like I’m able to do well tapping into natural survival instincts and continue on with life. With this theme, it’s the little things I feel that I need to work on facing.

Let’s start with confrontation. Simply put, I hate it! I’ll avoid it at any cost which only ends up causing more problems. It inevitably builds resentment toward the situation/person and is a cowardly thing to do. But, who likes to go up to a person that they have angst towards and tell them things they don’t want to hear? Definitely not me, because I freeze up and choke in the heat of confrontation. I lose my words, and I’m not able to think clearly. It’s always hours later that I think “I should have said THAT”, or, “I wish that I would have said THIS”. To work toward facing this problem, I plan on writing down my feelings (which helps me tremendously when I get choked up on words) and meeting confrontation head on instead of hiding from it. Even if it means taking time to cool off, sit down, think, and re-visiting the situation hours (or days) later. Very scary, but I know I need to do it.

This brings me to my next problem: my inability to stand up for myself. If somebody hurts my feelings, rubs me the wrong way, annoys me, asks too much of me, etc, I tend to shrug it off. I suppose this goes hand in hand with confrontation, because I tend to avoid dealing with it. It can take a toll on relationships (friendship or otherwise), and the person doesn’t even know that they did anything. Eventually I’ll let it go and continue on as if nothing ever happened. Except, something did happen and I need to work toward sticking up for myself. Having a low self-esteem plays a huge part in this issue, so I’m going to try to be more confident and assertive from here on out.

I’ll end with a quote from my favorite movie. “Breathe. Just breathe.” – Danielle in Ever After

Week one: Opportunity Knocks

When I told the universe in my last blog post that I wanted to work on reaching out to people, I guess it really took it to heart. Today it put me through a huge test.

I lost my wallet.

You know, the one with my drivers license, debit card, check book, PJ's social security card, various Christmas gift cards, and my food stamps (which I was depending on for the next month). When I realized that the wallet was missing I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is the last thing that I need right now, and to be honest, I didn't think I could handle the blow.

I got in my car and rushed to Kroger, which is the last place I had it. The lady at the customer service desk assured me that nobody had turned in a wallet. Walking back to my car without it in hand, the mental break down started. What am I going to do for the next month? Everything I need is in that wallet. Food stamps, PJ's social that I was going to take to his school for registration, the gift card to buy my new washer and dryer, everything. Today if someone would have looked up "despair" in the dictionary, you'd have seen a picture of me in that definition.

I got the opportunity to reach out to a lot of friends and family today in my total, utter weakness. I'm not even sure if some people could understand me through the sobs. Regardless, they were there for me every step of the way, assuring me everything would be O.K.

Once I was able to pull myself together I started making the necessary phone calls. The bank first, then the police station. To my surprise, somebody had already put a report in saying that they had turned in my wallet to a local Chase Bank. Immediate hope!

I got in my car, rushed over to the bank, and got my wallet back. Unfortunately the gift cards were all stolen, but the most important things were there. I'm so relieved to be sitting in my new apartment, enveloped in the love and care of friends and family, with hope that maybe, just maybe there is hope for our humanity. Thank you to that person, whoever you are, that turned in my wallet to Chase Bank. You seriously made my entire year (so far).

I'm going to wrap up this post with a quote: "When you ask God for strength, He doesn't just give it to you, but provides you the opportunity to be strong." I suppose that I asked for the opportunity to reach out to people this week, and it came knocking on my door today.

The most important thing that I learned today was "everything" that I "needed" to get by was actually not in that wallet-- I had all of that already. Thank you to my friends and family. And special thanks to my (4 year old) son PJ, who through the day would come and give me kisses, continually reassured me that everything would be "happy". I love you all so much.

Journey: Week One, Day One

Stop spending time with the wrong people.

“Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.”

For me, this theme isn’t about who I need to stop spending time with, but actually who I need to start spending time with. Many of you now know that Dave and I decided to go our separate ways. Without having to take a partner of a relationship into consideration I’m left evaluating my friendships. I have a few close friends here in Louisville/Indiana, all of which I love dearly. None I’d describe as “sucking the happiness out of me” or any of the above. All of my other friends are scattered around the world, from Dominica, to Canada, Texas, Arizona, Maryland, New Jersey, California, New Mexico… and, well, you get the point.

The thing is, I tend to try and deal with hard times all by myself. And, when I need emotional support from friends/family I see it as a weakness so I withdraw which ends up isolating myself further. So, it’s not that I need to “stop spending time with the wrong people” but I have to start reaching out more to these awesome people that are already a part of my life. I need to curb my prideful weakness of trying to do everything by myself, denying the fact that I need help sometimes.

So, this week I'm going to work on that. When I'm feeling particularly crappy I'm going to do my best to pick up my phone, or even set up some Skype calls.

I’ll keep you posted.

Another Journey

Without getting into too many details, I’m going through a huge transition in life right now. That said, I have decided to take on a pretty big personal journey. Let me explain.

My Aunt Tracey sent me an email today which read “You have to read this blog”, with a link attached. The vague message immediately piqued my interest, so I checked it out. The title of the post caught me off guard: “30 things to stop doing to yourself”. As I read it beginning to end I was left with a mix of emotions; hope, sadness, encouragement, unsure, but most of all, curious. If I really take these 30 pieces of advice to heart, will it actually change my life? 

With my life what it is right now I figure there really can't be any harm in trying. So, I have decided to take the next 30 weeks and challenge myself. I’m going to use each of the topics as a weekly theme and see how my life changes. I’ll share here what I experience, or don’t experience, what helped, what didn’t help, what changed me, what didn't, and simply just be as transparent as possible. I hope that I’ll come out a better, stronger, transformed person by the end.

Today starts the first week, and the first topic to work on-- but I'll post more about that tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

P.S. If you're going through a particularly rough spot in life, or even just want to try to better yourself, I highly suggest reading that blog post. Thanks for the awesome find, Aunt Tracey!

P.P.S. For the people reading about this Journey for the first time and want to get caught up starting at week 1, I'll be updating this weekly:

Week 1: Stop spending time with the wrong people.

Week 2: Stop running from your problems.

Week 3: Stop lying to yourself.

Week 4: Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.

Week 5: Stop trying to be someone you're not.

Week 6: Stop trying to hold onto the past.

Week 7: Stop being scared to make a mistake.

Week 8: Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.

Week 9: Stop trying to buy happiness.

Week 10: Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.

Week 11: Stop being idle.

Week 12: Stop thinking you're not ready.

Week 13: Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.

Week 14: Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn't work.

Week 15: Stop trying to compete against everyone else. 

Week 16: Stop being jealous of others.

Week 17: Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

Week 18: Stop holding grudges.

Week 19: Stop letting others bring you down to their level.

Week 20: Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.

Love at first sight

Finding a place to live being 4,000 miles away from the area is a bit tricky. While in Dominica I apartment shopped for weeks until I finally found a place that was perfect for PJ and I. I put an application in, paid a deposit to reserve the apartment--the whole nine yards.

When I finally got to Louisville and was able to scope the place out, it was a lot further from work than I had expected (although still in a very nice area). Long story short, I ended up stopping by one apartment complex 5 minutes away from work and fell in-love with the place. That day I canceled the plans for the other apartment and signed the lease on the new one.

PJ and I are now fully moved into our own two-bedroom, one bath apartment on the first floor of a great apartment community (which is actually nestled inside of an actual neighborhood). This is a huge upgrade from our previous studio apartment downtown.

I didn't get pictures of the whole place, but here is a glimpse of our new home:

My absolute favorite part of the apartment: the living room. Complete with a wood burning fireplace and mantle!

The dining area (taken from in front of the fireplace) and the entrance to our large enclosed back patio.

The kitchen, complete with a dishwasher (eeeek!!!! :D ) and TONS of cabinet space.


The hall (picture taken from the living room) which has the washer and dryer hook ups, coat closet, and leads to both bedrooms (PJ's is straight ahead, mine is to the right and not visible here) and bathroom.

The best part, though? We live within walking distance to a fabulous outlet mall. Great food, great shopping, great area! Plus, the complex amenities are fabulous! Gym, indoor pool, indoor jacuzzi, outdoor pool, club house to hang out in... it really doesn't get better than this!

Hope you enjoyed the tour of our new place. More than that though, I hope that a lot of you friends and family are able to make it out to Louisville to come visit!

P.S. Random shout out to my friend Robert--my fellow half Asian. I know it's not in very good taste to do inside jokes on a public blog, but I just couldn't help myself. He also wants all my blog readers to know that "he says Hi".

Text Bombing

I'm pretty sure Ive emphasized this point a billion times before, but I'll say it again for good measure-- being a spouse/companion on the island is an entirely different experience than being a student*.

With that said, I want to introduce the world to Text Bombing. My friends and I liked to get together a lot. And when I say a lot, it's probably an understatement. Toward the last few weeks it got a little ridiculous because we all knew that soon we'd all be in different parts of the world. But, I digress...

One night of not-so-abnormal debauchery the Text Bomb was born. If you're a few drinks in, have a group of friends in company, and want to have a good laugh, do the following:

1: Everybody whip out your cell phones. Don't fool yourself, you're probably on it already anyway.
2: Look around and see which friend decided to ditch out on the festivities that night.
3: Pick a ridiculous phrase (for example: Taste the Rainbow) and everybody text it to said friend at the same time. Text Bombing is better when more (at least 4?) people participate.
4: Wait for the replies. A good sport will text back each person with funny responses.

I passed out around 10PM at my own farewell party and was text bombed "Wake up little susie, wake up" by about 10 people (and another that is too inappropriate to share). But, needless to say, I got a few giggles out of it.

Now, go forth and Text Bomb**.

*Yes, we have a LOT of time on our hands to do stupid things like this.
** Whoever came up with the name Text Bomb must be really, really clever.

One chapter ends, another begins

Tomorrow will be day number 7 that I've been back in the good ole' USA. Coming from an island with one road, gorgeous weather, and simplicity of life... I've been in a bit of culture shock. I know I've been officially reintegrated into Western civilization since:

• I got my hair cut and styled. At a real salon. With real salon chairs and equipment.
• I paid $60 bucks at the movies for tickets and over priced popcorn/drinks.
• I went to a nail salon and they had more than one salon chair and clean tools.
  
• I've been able to drink real whole vitamin D milk every single day. HEAVEN!
• I've stuffed my face at a different restaurant every day and am still so happy about FREE refills on soft drinks. It's kind of a big deal- trust me.
• My Droid has been ringing off the hook with calls and texts from friends. And, my nose has been in that and my laptop non-stop.

I miss the heck out of Dominica and my friends. But those friends have become my family and I know I'll see them again. Until then, I'm going to continue indulging. Cheers, friends.


P.S. I still have a lot of stories from Dominica to share and some updates about the future to come!