So, this one time....

So, this one time, at band camp...

Ha, just kidding. I couldn't resist.

It was really this one time, at the orthodontists (but that doesn't sound as cool as band camp)....

I need to give you a little background info before I get to the meat of the story. My smile was a disaster growing up. I covered my mouth when I smiled for years. What can a person do about their inherited genetics?! Nothing, that’s what. Except be in and out of the orthodontists office a total of seven, yes seven, years. Between the spacers, expanders, retainers, braces, the routine tightening and those painful rubber bands... I just wanted it all to end. I didn't care if my smile was perfect anymore. I wanted to happily bite right into a piece of pizza and not have to worry if all of the sauce and cheese were stuck in my braces. I wanted to bite into an apple without wondering if I'd accidently break one of the braces off my teeth. Unfortunately that is the sad life of a person wearing braces- always wondering about that food. In fact, that damn apple did break one of my braces off so I had to schedule (yet another) orthodontist appointment to get it glued back on.

(We're almost at the point of the story now) When I got to the orthodontist it was the usual hour wait before I even got shown to a chair. The orthodontist I had in Virginia was HORRIBLE-but that is a whole rant for another day. Finally the orthodontist assistant came over to check out the situation. She secured the brace back onto my tooth and asked "Is anything else lose?". My response was... drum roll please....

"No, I lost all my baby teeth years ago."

Just think about that for a minute.

She gave me a weird look that I didn't understand, simply said "Ok" to my response, and moved on to her next victim patient. The doctor  finally made his way over to ensure all was well with the brace, he scolded me for biting into an apple so carelessly, and released me to go.

I got to my car, happy to be out of that place. I was there far too frequently and it was such a pain in the ass. Driving home I realized something. A moment of clarity and lucidity hit me like a brick wall. Horror washed over me. My cheeks turned a nice red color and I could feel the heat of them. For a while I swore never to go back to that orthodontist office ever again. EVER.

The orthodontist assistant wanted to know if any other BRACES were lose, not if any of my teeth were lose. The weird look finally made sense. I made a fool of myself. And even now I look back, shake my head, and laugh at myself.

While this may have been very anti-climatic for you, it still makes me giggle when I think about it. So, you may very well have just wasted five minutes of your time reading this, but lesson be learned - never confuse the orthodontist office for a dentist office.

For painsteakingly reading through this whole post, though, I hope these horrible, embarressing pictures of me in braces makes up for your boredom:

8th Grade

10th Grade

And yes, I still had braces at my highschool Graduation...

(The reason why I look like death in this picture is because I was HORRIBLY sick all night before graduation. My parents forced me to go.)